Not A Bad Life
by Emerald Easterling
Summary: Jim reflects on his life and how different it has become since he left Scranton.


Disclaimer: I do not own "The Office" or any of the characters. I just love them.

Not a Bad Life

It was raining and Jim didn't have an umbrella with him, but he did not hesitate one second before jumping out of the cab when it pulled up in front of his apartment building. After paying the driver he grabbed the suitcase out of the trunk and rushed inside. He was so happy to be home.

Not that he did not love to travel. In fact, one of the reasons that he took the job as Head of International Sales for Dunder-Mifflin was that, in addition to the pay increase, he got the added perk of being able to travel to tons of amazing places. The other reason, of course, was that the promotion meant relocating to New York and reporting directly to Corporate. Jim would have taken a job counting the pages of the phone book if it meant not working for Michael Scott. Although, since they do work for the same company, Jim still had to see his former boss from time to time. Most people at Corporate did not like to deal with Michael if they could help it, and whenever it was necessary to send someone to Scranton Jim usually got nominated. He always tried to make the argument that since he was in international sales, Pennsylvania was not really under his jurisdiction, but they always insisted he go anyway, claiming that no one knew the Scranton office better then him.

In fact it was a trip to Scranton, not somewhere more glamorous like London or Rome, which had taken Jim away from his home for the past few days. He thought about the trip as he made his way through the familiar lobby of his building, saying "Hi" to Larry, the night watchman, on his way to the elevator. Nothing much had changed in Scranton over the past few years since he had left. Dwight still followed Michael around like a little lost puppy, desperate for any kind of recognition. In fact, now that he rarely had to see him, Jim found that he was less annoyed by Dwight and actually pitied him. At least he had his relationship with Angela, which they were still trying to hide, though there were few people left who did not know what was going on. Oscar and Kevin still enjoyed goofing off back in Accounting, making Angela mad. Meredith was still taking shots from her flask when she thought no one was looking. Kelly was in the back, talking a mile a minute, same as always. Toby still hoped to get though each day without having to deal with some inappropriate thing Michael had said or done. Stanly had his trusty crossword puzzles and he and Phyllis were still the only people who did any actual work, both counting the days until their retirements. Ryan, the supposed "Temp" was still putting himself though Business school so he would never again have to work at a job like the one he had a Dunder-Mifflin. He was also still putting up with the creepy looks Michael gave him all the time. Jim had to give the guy some credit, because if Michael had given him a look half as weird as the ones he gave Ryan, he defiantly would have left a lot sooner then he did. And then of course there was Michael himself, who was still…well, Michael.

Besides Jim's now empty desk there was really only one other difference in Scranton. One huge difference. Pam was not there anymore. In her place at the Reception Desk sat a little old lady by the name of Ruth. She was a friendly enough woman to be sure. She was even a little feisty which meant she could keep Michael in his place. All and all she seamed to be a good receptionist, but she was no Pam. Of course, Jim thought to himself, there was no one like Pam

The elevator ride to his floor was short and he stepped out and walked down the hall to the door labeled "Halpert." Jim cheerfully walked into his cozy apartment. It was great to be home. It had been nice to see everyone in Scranton, but Jim would much rather be here. Besides, that place just was not the same without Pam. As he put his luggage down he glanced around his apartment until he spotted her, his beautiful wife, sound asleep on the couch. A large smile appeared on his face as he looked at her for the first time in days. No, he thought, Scranton could never be the same. When Jim left he had made sure to take the best part of that place with him.

Pam Halpert was sleeping soundly on the overstuffed couch in the couple's living room. The TV was on and there was a half eaten bowl of popcorn on the coffee table. She had clearly been trying to wait up for her husband. Jim silently cursed Michael Scott for insisting that the two of them go out for dinner to "catch up." He had wanted to catch the earlier bus so he could have made it home at a descent hour. He had missed Pam so much and all he wanted was to hold her in his arms and kiss her long enough to make up for three whole days of not being able to. He wanted to talk to her and hear her laugh. He just hated to be away from her.

He walked over to the couch and crouched down next to her, brushing a few strands of hair out of her face. Her hair was curly today, the way he liked it. It was rarely like that anymore. These days she usually wore it straight, or pulled back away from her face; she said it looked more professional that way. He thought she looked beautiful any way she wore it, but then again she could dye her hair orange or shave her head and he would still think she was the most gorgeous woman he had ever set eyes on. But just the same he had a special preference for her simple, curly style. Perhaps it was because that that was how she wore it when he first fell in love with her.

As much as Jim wanted to wake her up so he could see her sparkling eyes, he realized that he should probably let her sleep. He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead and then reached over to grab the blanket that was draped over the edge of the couch. He gently covered her with it and then picked up the remote and clicked off the TV.

On the floor next to the couch was Pam's sketchpad. Jim picked it up and took a look at what she had been working on. Dunder-Mifflin had recently decided to start producing children's products; construction paper and things of that nature. Pam's new project was to design the packaging for the entire line. She was really loving it. Jim was so proud of her. She worked so hard to make her dreams come true. Jim smiled as he remembered how happy she had been when they moved into their current apartment a few months prior. The first night the two of them had sat outside on the balcony just off of their bedroom and Pam had told him that now she had everything she ever wanted: a husband she adored, a great job working with art, and a small tersest to plant flowers on. Jim shuttered to think that she had come so close to not having any of it.

* * *

It was June 10, 2006, the day that Jim had been dreading for months. He had woken in the morning with a slight headache—he had had a few too many drinks the night before—but the pain in his head was almost unnoticeable compared to the pain in his heart. Pam, the woman he loved, was going to marry someone else.

Jim looked over at his good suit which hung in a dry-cleaning bag on the back of his closet door. It would be so much easier for him to not put on that suit and go to her wedding. He could stay here and play video games and pretend that his world was not coming to an end. He knew that putting on that suit and going to the wedding would be the hardest thing he would ever have to do. He was not sure if he could bear watching her walk down the aisle in a stunning gown towards another man. He was not sure if he would be able to listen to her vow her eternal love for anyone other then himself.

Jim wondered if he would be able to remain quite when the priest asked if there was anyone who objected to the marriage. For one fleeting moment Jim wondered if maybe he should say something. Sure, he would be totally embarrassing himself by pouring his heart out in front of a church full of strangers, and yeah, Roy would probably beat him to a pulp. But maybe it would all be worth it if it meant that Pam finally knew, once and for all, that he was totally, completely, crazy in love with her. But then he thought of the pain that would come when Pam told him that she loved Roy. She would be sweet and kind, because that is just the kind of person Pam is, but that would not change her message. She would tell Jim that their friendship meant the world to her, but she did not feel anything beyond that. No, Jim knew that he might be able to handle everything else, but he couldn't handle hearing her saying those words.

He would go to her wedding because she had asked him to, and he would watch her marry Roy and he would keep his big mouth shut. This was going to be the hardest day of his life.

A few hours later he pulled his car into the parking lot of the church. He wondered if anyone else from Dunder-Mifflin had been invited. He knew that he was really Pam's only friend at work, but he was sure that she would have invited a few other people just to be polite. At least then there would be people for him to talk too. Then again, he thought, everyone from the office knows about his feelings for Pam, and they were not the most discreet people in the world.

Jim's question was answered when he spotted Kelly on the front steps of the church. She looked really pretty, in a light pink sun dress under a white button down sweater. Jim managed a smile as he walked over to her.

"Hey Kelly," he said. "You look smashing."

Kelly looked at him surprised. She had clearly been under the impression that Jim would skip the wedding. Hopefully she would not make a big deal out of it. "Hi Jim," she said after a few seconds. "You don't look so bad yourself. Hansom enough to escort me to my seat, in fact."

Jim gave her a grateful smile as he offered her his arm. She took it and they walked into the church together. Not many people were seated yet, as the ceremony was not scheduled to start for another 20 minuets. Jim and Kelly headed to the bride's side where they quickly found Phyllis, Bob Vance, Stanly, his wife Sherry and Oscar all seated together. Jim was grateful that Dwight, Kevin and Michael were nowhere to be seen, as they were the most likely to say something to Jim about his feeling for Pam, and he knew that if the subject were to come up he would defiantly loose the little composure he had left.

The small group starting chatting but Jim was not really paying attention to the conversation. Instead he looked around the small church. It was decorated with simple white and lavender flower arrangements; they were understated but very elegant. Just like Pam, Jim thought. There was a woman playing a medley of love songs on the piano, and people were lined up towards the back signing the guest book.

Jim finally brought himself to look towards the front of the church. There was Roy, surrounded by three huge guys, probably his brothers. He was wearing a simple black tux and he looked very uncomfortable, excited and nervous.

Deep down Jim knew that Roy was not a bad guy. He was defiantly not the right man for Pam, and Jim knew that he would never make her happy, but he also honestly believed that Roy did at least love her. Jim tried to find comfort in the fact that Roy would care for Pam the best he could and that he would never hurt her intentionally, but it just was not enough. Try as he might, Roy would never love Pam the way she deserved to be loved, and that knowledge was killing Jim inside.

He tore his attention away from the groom and began to look at the other wedding guest. That was when he noticed women in matching purple gowns, who Jim assumed were bridesmaids, walking quickly around the church. They seemed to be worried. Actually, Jim thought as one of them passed by him in a hurry, they all looked frantic. His gaze followed one of them as she approached a woman that Jim recognized: Pam's mom. Though she looked very lovely, Jim could tell that there was something wrong with Mrs. Beesley. Something beyond the typical bitter-sweet emotions that overcome most mothers on the day their daughter's wedding days.

"Hey you guys," he said, interrupting a conversation about security envelopes. Everyone turned to him startled, as he had said one word the whole time he had been sitting there. Jim however did not notice their expressions and gestured in the direction of the bridesmaids. "I think something's up."

Everyone turned to observe what was going on. There was one bridesmaid with long dark hair standing next to Pam's mom; she was on the phone, but not saying anything. After another few seconds she hung up, shaking her head. At this point, tears started to form in Pam's mother's eyes. A man that Jim assumed was Pam's dad put his arms around her. A moment later the doors of the church flew open and another anxious-looking bridesmaid came in, ran over to Mr. and Mrs. Beesley and handed them a piece of paper. As they read whatever was written on the paper looks of shock and confusion swept over their faces.

"What do you think is going on?" Jim heard Oscar ask.

"Well," said Phyllis, glancing cautiously in Jim's direction, "I'm only guessing, I think Pam may be calling off the wedding."

Jim sat for a few moments too stunned to move, but as soon as he wrapped his mind around what Phyllis had said a sudden feeling washed over him. It was a feeling that he hadn't felt in a very long time: Hope. A moment later he was out of his seat and sprinting towards the door. He heard someone calling after him: "Jim wait! Where are you going? You don't even know what's really going on." But he didn't care. In his rush to exit the church Jim almost ran strait into a bridesmaid headed up the aisle, no doubt about to tell Roy the news. The last thing that Jim heard as he ran through the large oak doors was Roy's voice yelling.

* * *

He had no idea how but Jim had a feeling he knew just where he would find her. And sure enough, when he pulled into the Dunder-Mifflin parking lot there was her car. Jim parked his Toyoda and got out, but instead of entering the building he walked around to the back, and then up the fire escape to the roof.

That was where he found her. She was sitting on the ledge looking off into the horizon. She looked beautiful. Her hair was down, hanging in smooth, loose curls and she was wearing just a bit of make-up which suddenly enhanced all of her natural beauty. Jim had expected to find her in a wedding dress, but instead she was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. As he approached her she looked at him and smiled, not a bit surprised to see him there.

"Fancy meeting you here," she said.

As concerned as he was about her, he could not help but laugh. "Pam," he said, "don't you have someplace you have to be?"

Pam took a deep breath. "I was sitting in my room at home, just looking in my mirror. I was the only one home. I had sent everyone else to the church ahead of me. I told them I needed alone time."

"Okay," he said, sitting down next to her on the ledge. "So what happened?"

"I couldn't do it. I couldn't put on my wedding dress." There were tears in her eyes as she spoke, and Jim took her small hand in his and gave it an encouraging squeeze. She seamed to take some comfort from this, and continued. "I don't know why, I just couldn't."

"It's okay, you don't have to explain," Jim told her. She didn't, he already understood perfectly. "But you should know that there are people freaking out at the church."

"I know. I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I didn't show up for my own wedding," Pam leaned over and buried her head in her hands. Jim patted her back, expecting her to start sobbing any second. But she never did. In fact, Jim could have sworn he heard a giggle, and before he knew it Pam had erupted in to all out laughter. She looked so beautiful when she laughed; it was Jim's favorite thing in the world to watch. But right now, he was not really sure what she found so funny.

"Pam?" he asked.

"Jim," she managed to say between fits of hysteria, "my wedding is happening right now…and I'm not there." Pam was laughing so hard she was having trouble breathing, but she just couldn't stop. "How awful am I? I just left my fiancé at the altar and instead of feeling bad, I think it's hilarious. I am an awful, awful person."

"Yep," said Jim with a sinker. "You're horrible." Jim knew that it probably was not the most appropriate time to be making sarcastic jokes, but he could not help himself. Now both of them were roaring with laughter. It took them quite awhile to calm themselves down and sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments. It was then that Jim noticed that she had a suitcase sitting beside her.

"Are you planning on going somewhere?" he asked her, slightly worried.

"Well, I was supposed to be going on my honeymoon," she answered him. "Now I don't know. My bag was packed, and for some reason I just grabbed it before I left the house today. I guess I figured I may need it, you know. It would be a little weird to stand Roy up, then show up later to pick up a change of clothes and my toothbrush."

Jim chuckled to himself and nodded in agreement. "So," he asked, "where are you planning to go now?"

"I don't know," she said. She thought for a bit then a gin crept onto her face as an idea came to her. "You know what we should do? We should go on a road trip."

"What?" Jim asked her shocked. It was not like her to be this spontaneous.

"Oh my God, we should. We should defiantly take a trip. You and me. I already have next week off, and you haven't used any sick days in a while. You could just call out Monday morning."

"Pam..." Jim started to say before she cut him off again.

"I've got it. We can just drive down to Philadelphia. Stay at a fancy hotel. How great would that be?"

Jim looked at her for a moment before replying. "You're serious about this?"

"Yeah, it'll be fun! I love Philly. And what better place to celebrate me _not_ getting married then Philadelphia, the birthplace of _independence_."

Jim was still a bit hesitant. This was not really like Pam. "Listen, are you sure you want to…"

"Oh Please Jim," she said with a pleading look in her eyes. "It'll be great. We can eat cheesesteaks. Do you know how long it's been since I had a genuine Philly Cheesesteak. And…and...and …and we can go to a Phillies game. We'll get Mike Liberthal's autograph. Think of how crazy jealous that will make Dwight. And, oh my God Jim, we can sit on the steps of The Art Museum and mock everyone who does a Rocky imitation. Please. Let's go. It'll be great, I promise."

As completely inviting as the getaway sounded, Jim's rational side managed to force its way through. "Pam, everyone back at the church is worried sick about you. You can't just leave town."

"I know," she said. "And I will call my mom. I'll call her right now if you want. I'll tell her not to worry, and that I'll be home in a few days. But Jim, I just can't…I mean I can't go back there and…" She could not finish the sentence, and she looked at him with desperation in her eyes. How could he possibly say no to her?

Jim looked down at Pam and smiled. He realized that though it was important for her to deal with everything here in Scranton, it was not important for her to deal with it right away. Clearly she needed a few days to sort everything out. Besides, Jim could think of nothing he would rather do next week, or any week for that matter, then be alone with Pam.

"Well," he finally said, "I guess I could go for a Provolone With." Pam shouted for joy and jumped into his arm. He held onto her for dear life, never wanting to let go.

To Be Continued…

* * *

AN—Thank you for reading this and I hope that you enjoyed it. This is my first fanfiction of any kind so please be nice. I'm not really a writer, but for some reason I wanted to tell this story. I also wanted to say that I did try to catch all of my typos because I know how annoying they can be in stories, but if I did manage to miss some, I do apologies. 


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